


Two Heads Are Better Than One, So Why Not Give Us Six More?

by beepboopwriting



Category: Osomatsu-kun (Anime 1988), おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Gen, Not to worry, One Shot, Parenthood, also i tagged the boys because they still show up and say things, but as a collective, but of course, get over it !!!, how tf can u write a -kun fic without showing matsuparents are also Hell People, im not taggin every one of em, it IS tagged with a ship, kinda goes off on a tangent but also, like really dialogue heavy, like small children do, mostly -kun, people get angry, shrugs! that's life babe!, yes there is some sappy at the end tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-12-18 03:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18241529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepboopwriting/pseuds/beepboopwriting
Summary: How does one even survive the feelings of fatigue, stress, frustration, and exasperation that come with raising six boys at once? Easy enough- you share all of those emotions with the spouse that's in it with you.





	Two Heads Are Better Than One, So Why Not Give Us Six More?

For what seemed like the seventh time that week (the final count actually ended up being eight), Matsuyo stood cross armed in front of a squad of boys - her six sons. They stood in line with their eyes darting across the kitchen and their hands preoccupied with getting the anxiety out of their systems. One of them fidgeted with their collar, another tapped his against his leg, and another attempted to twist his hair around his finger. Matsuyo read guilt all over their faces and sighed; she guessed all troublemakers had their moments of vulnerability.

“Hm. That’s strange, isn’t it?” Matsuyo began with the usual rhetorical question (a device well needed for any parent) and scanned her eyes over the boys. “Someone, and I’m not naming names, no worries,” she smiled, trying to ease the tension in the room before it inevitably came back through a harsher, more strict tone, “But, yes. I heard that someone decided to ransack the cupboards before dinner!” She looked over her boys again and waited to see if somebody would step up to confess. A minute passed. Two minutes passed. Six minutes passed. Believe it or not, Matsuyo had priorities outside of interrogating six ten year olds. Getting this lecture out of the way quickly would allow her to get back to her other, relaxing, non-kid related plans. Eleven minutes passed.

Hmm.

 _Nothing_.

Honestly, it was stupid of her to believe any of her kids would willingly turn themselves in. If they could get away with it, they’d do everything in their power to get away with it (they weren’t concerned about “risks”- they were just bumps in the road to the six of them!)

“Wow...who would’ve done something like tha-” began the child second to the right before he was immediately cut off by Matsuyo. She’d heard that spiel before and WAY too many times to count. It was always a go-to for the sextuplets - fake it until you make it. Matsuyo groaned at this internally. _If faking innocence didn’t work the last six times, why try again?_ she wondered. _Stubborn little things._

“No playing dumb, Osomatsu. That’s not going to work. You ALL know full and well that this was the doing of _at least_ two of you.” This accusation lingered in the air shorter than she expected, as the boy in the middle of the line spoke up to correct her.

“No, Mom, it was four of us,” he said before realizing he’d slipped up and gave it all away. Three of the brothers groaned and started throwing nonstop insults at the snitch - at least Matsuyo didn’t have to waste time guessing which four were involved.

“Oh, way to _GOOO_ , Todomatsu! Just throw us under the bus like that!”

“Like you have any right to say that, Osomatsu, when you were the one who lifted me up there!”

“Well...well...well,” Osomatsu stuttered, “it was Jyushimatsu who talked us into it!”

“Ugh, you guys _PROMISED_ you wouldn’t tell!”

“Hard to not tell when it’s obvious you were the mastermind, Jyushi!~”

“Oh, shut up, Choromatsu! You were keeping watch!” Jyushimatsu yelled, stomping a foot in irritation.

“Oh, was I? Or was I just waiting to spot Mom so I could rat you guys out?” The smug look on Choromatsu’s face only angered Jyushimatsu further. In only seconds, Matsuyo expected the threat of violence.

“You’re practically _asking_ to be punched!”

_There it is._

“Uh, let’s not get too rough, guys-” a voice from the back began, but Todomatsu wouldn’t let him finish.

“Karamatsu, stay out of this! You and Ichimatsu were too chicken to do it with us!” He pointed accusingly at the remaining brothers and shook his head in disappointment. “There’s power in numbers!”

“We were ASLEEP! NAPPING!” Ichimatsu yelled, “You didn’t even tell us! How can we be ‘chicken’ if we weren’t even told about it!”

This bickering between the sextuplets was on its way to becoming another scuffle, and by no means was Matsuyo ready for another one of those. _Relax yourself,_ she thought. _They’re always like this,_ she repeated in her head as she took a deep breath. _You know this! They’ll realize they’re overreacting, you’ll politely but sternly warn them again, you’ll patch them up. Wait it out._ Matsuyo would’ve loved to wait it out! She would’ve loved saving herself from any extra trouble, but it just so happened that one of her darling kids, in the midst of the beginning rumble, overlooked where he was stepping and landed on his mother’s foot. It was with this that Matsuyo had to decide herself when too much was too much; if she had reached a point where enough was _enough,_ and she practically arrived there in seconds.

“ENOUGH!” Matsuyo’s stern voice snapped the boys out of their small, childish rage. In fact, it petrified them. They all stood still, frozen in their positions. Jyushi had Choro by the collar, Oso and Kara were almost face to face due to their argument, and Todo and Ichi had turned away from each other in anger. The air turned cold around them - they’d _really_ done it now.

“That is _enough_ from all of you today and I’m _not_ going to be putting up with it,” she lectured with exasperation, “and I’m not above letting all of go to bed hungry.” Not too long after her threat, Matsuyo heard the front door open accompanied by a simple “I’m back.” Knowing it was no other than her husband, she excused herself from the boys and paced to the front of the house. As soon as she caught sight of Matsuzo, she went off before he had a chance to speak.

“Go in there and yell at them,” she asked.

“Huh?”

“That’s what I said and I’m not repeating myself. I don’t care what you do, or how you do it, or what you say within boundaries, but you’re going in there to let them have it.” Confused, all Matsuzo could do was stare.

“Dear, I don’t even know what they did-”

“Matsuzo, should it even matter!” Matsuyo snapped, her breathing getting a heavier by the minute and her hair falling out of place. “All that matters is making sure that they’re dealt with and that I’m not going insane. I’ll bring your stuff up.” Looking at the exhaustion in her eyes and noticing the way her hands clenched in and out of fists before she grabbed the briefcase and started her way up the stairs, Matsuzo felt no need to argue. Honestly, he’d probably die if he even tried; he learned that lesson the hard way during the first few years of their relationship. To let Matsuyo simmer down, have her inevitably feel guilt for being so rude to her boys, and come back downstairs to give her apologies was always the best course of action. Until then, though, it was completely Matsuzo’s responsibility to keep the boys in check. Of course it wasn’t an inconvenience to him; they were his sons too and to discipline them was just part of the job. They never really listened to him, but it would definitely be easier since they’d already been warned. As time would soon tell, however, that statement was nothing than a lie (as always).

* * *

 

“So?” Matsuyo’s voice perked up once her husband entered their shared room, “Any luck?” There was optimism in her voice, hoping for some sort of miracle to have happened.

“Do we consider ‘only insulting each other from different spots in the living room’ luck?” Matsuzo questioned, his voice now as worn out as his wife’s had been earlier.

“No, but it’s the best we’re gonna get tonight,” Matsuyo sighed, “so let’s let it calm itself down. They get like that again, though, and I swear to God...” She started, her voice taking on an even more frustrated tone from before. Clenching her fists again, she continued on. “I swear to…to…”

“To…?” Matsuzo asked, “To what, dear?” It was silent for a moment more as Matsuyo tried to collect her thoughts before she just gave up for good. She lifted a hand to her eye to wipe away a tear and sighed.

“Oh, I was too hard on them! Maybe…” she began with a quiver in her voice, but it altered again not long after. “But maybe they did deserve it! They should know by now not to be like this, shouldn’t they?” She argued with herself back and forth; Matsuzo was only a witness. He saw his wife go from angry to thoughtful, willing to work something out before she felt guilty again for snapping at the boys - a sweet gesture soon turned back into annoyance. Her tears were either out of anger or out of regret; Matsuyo knew herself that it was both.

“Did we ever think this was gonna happen to us? I mean, and so sorry I’m ranting, dear, I promise I’ll quit it once I get everything out of my system-”

“No, go on,” Matsuzo said reassuringly, “you know I don’t mind.”

“Well, I know you don’t _mind_ , but…” Matsuyo began, “do you _want_ to listen? You just got home and here I am piling all this stuff on you. Head-on, too. No warnings or anything. I really am sorry-”

“I told you, dear, it’s alright! Promise. It’s not your job to look after the boys by yourself with ease, and I don’t expect you to.”

“I’m still afraid I came on too strong,” Matsuyo sighed, “but I can’t stay lenient forever!”

“Exactly,” Matsuzo assured, reaching over to clasp his wife’s hand, “so don’t worry.”

“Too late for that,” Matsuyo laughed nervously, “that’s practically been our job since they were born.”

“I get that, dear-”

“Well, that and making sure we won’t be threatened with another restraining order.”

“...What?”

“Did I not tell you?” Matsuyo asked, removing her husband’s hand from hers so she could fully explain the situation, “Osomatsu and Jyushimatsu went out and ruined the big garden all the way down the road. They wrecked it playing soccer and the woman was _pissed_ , let me say that. Came to see me while they were at school, saying she just knew it had to be ‘our spawn’,” Matsuyo sighed. She rolled her eyes at this nickname for her kids before she continued on, “and she threatened them with a restraining order!” Matsuzo too cringed and was angered by the spawn remark, yet he felt guilty that he could see where the woman was coming from.

“First I’ve heard of this. What did you tell her?” Matsuyo shrugged, simply replying that she apologized profusely for her sons’ behavior and punished the two responsible.

“Of course,” she continued, “I know our sons are incredibly brash and troublesome and pains and sometimes reach the point of devils almost every single day, but to call them not just ‘spawn,’ but ’our spawn?’ I just…” Again did her fists clench, and once more did she have that look of exasperation. Hidden in those eyes, however, was the look of revenge. Matsuyo looked up to meet Matsuzo’s gaze, and she cleared her throat before completing her sentence. “I just think that it’s not fair for someone who barely knows us to refer to our children that way and then throw us into it too. Don’t you think it sort of...rude?” The way the last word was accentuated implied Matsuyo was planning something. The cruel look in her eyes was already there, but her tone only added to the air of bitterness. “Now, I’m not saying that I condone ruining something that isn’t ours…”

“But you’re saying you want all the boys this time to mess up the garden, right?” Matsuzo guessed, “And then they’ll really see them as spawn-”

“And we can be oblivious to it all to piss her off! Say the boys were off elsewhere!” she interrupted as her hands clapped together with a hint of mischief. The way Matsuyo managed to switch gears from anger at her own children’s bad ideas to talking about using them for her own gain was not only unsurprising to Matsuzo, but also endearing (in a way only someone who had seen the worst of her could see).

“Not to interrupt,” Matsuzo said, “but are you okay now?”

“Hm?”

“You were stressed and came back up here to relax. Are you fine now, then?”

“Hm?” Matsuyo said in a tone of confusion before she looked up, took a deep breath, and looked back at Matsuzo with none of the childish, petty energy she held before, Oh...yeah. See, look, I ended up going off again, and it’s probably because I needed to get things off my chest, and-”

“You’re _alright_! You should know by now I wouldn’t care if you talked all day,” Matsuzo reinforced, “and that we’re in it together.” The softness of the moment sent Matsuyo back a bit - she wasn’t expecting this to get this sincere. She smiled softly back and allowed her husband to hold her hands in his.

“You always know what to say.”

“No, no I don’t, dear. I just remember things I’ve said in the past and hope they still work.”

“They do,” Matsuyo nodded, “and probably always will.” In the moment, nothing else really mattered. Nobody else had to be monitored, there wasn’t any yelling to be done, and a moment of peace finally allowed the two to share a moment of affection that was so rare nowadays. After letting go of the first kiss, the two were eager to meet again before there was a loud thud and the screams of their sons bickering again.

“ICHIMATSU, YOU CAN’T JUST TRIP OSOMATSU UP BECAUSE YOU FELT LIKE IT!”

“Oh, gimme a _break_ , Choromatsu! You wanna be next? Hm?”

The resurgence of the children’s fight seperated the couple faster than almost anything else could. They looked each other in the eyes before they sighed. Matsuyo coughed, dusted off her shoulders and started for the door.

“Never mind. I’m pissed again.”

“Care for me to join you?” Matsuzo asked as he too got up and stood next to his wife.

“With pleasure. You wrangle three, I wrangle three, make sure they all get tripped up by each other before we even think about dinner. You complain about them getting too tall and loud again, and I yell all their names in the angry mother voice. Deal?” Matsuyo asked, holding out a hand to confirm the deal. Without hesitation, Matsuzo nodded and shook Matsuyo’s hand.

“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> is the title cheesy as hell? of course. all my fic titles are. get over it. its better than the WIP title, "blah blah blah its the matsuparent fic i've been stuck on for the entirety of spring break and the week after but didn't even finish until the 25th." let it be known the first title ended with "until the 6th." we got here eventually though! 
> 
> anyway, this tag deserves more and i've gotten it to double digits B) 
> 
> don't even lie to me- matsuparent content (either romantic between them or familial between them and the sextuplets) is rare in -san (I can only watch s2ep4 and s2ep21 for so long!!!) but we got a TON in 80's -kun and this needed to be done. i WILL provide for this tag. i just so happened to provide parental anxiety and rage, a rare soft moment, and me almost having one of the sextuplets call another a bastard this time. but count on me !! 
> 
> anyway....i hope you enjoyed this! feel free to kudos, comment, or bookmark <3 thank you!


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